A haiku for you:
Racing ahead of the cat
Has nothing on me
Now it feels like everything is speeding up. I’m starting to work more on my job at the shelter, meetings and more meetings. A good friend offered a chance at another position with a firm (part-time). Jonathon just interviewed for a job with a software company doing sales-type stuff, stateside and international. It’s about 50% travel. But international travel! Woot! I’m instantly jealous. Or covetous, if you’re feeling Old Testament-like.
I am starting to feel a bit pressed for time. My days are starting to fill up. Before, the days dragged a bit, moored by workouts, runs and chores. The bookends were getting the kids to school and picking them up. At this point, those are more tasks in the day and don’t mean the beginning or end of the day’s work.
I am leery of getting too busy. I can’t believe I’m actually writing that. But I want there to be some time for reflection and time for others in my day. I need time to hear God. I don’t want to be the person I was when I worked full-time. I felt like I was on a hamster wheel. I went around and around, getting ready for work, taking Zac to school, leaving work, picking Zac up, and every day the same thing. I felt like I was missing my family. I lived for the “high” of meeting tight deadlines. I put Jonathon through school finishing his bachelor’s and master’s degrees. I supported us when he couldn’t find a teaching position. I think that season is done. My chest constricts a little bit when I think about doing it again. I know I could do it again if I needed to; I just don’t want to. I don’t need it to feel fulfilled as a person anymore, to make my degree “count”. I want to see what else this season of life has to offer. This life won’t last forever. I don’t want to go back to office politics, either, and striving to be politically correct all the time. I’m finding that skill increasingly difficult to recover. Perhaps I’m getting too old for that?
I don’t really know what else to say. The icebergs are melting and the glaciers are inching across the countryside, forming valleys and mountains and crystal clear pools of icy water. If you like that sort of thing.
It’s a good time for us. But now I wonder if I’m ready. I do hope so.