Warning: This is a graphic post dealing with doo-doo and tinkle.
Ruby noticed late Wednesday that, due to all the rain, our drain in the driveway overflowed. The rectangular green cover sat askew, pushed aside by a full pipe. We had a lot of water backed up in it. And stuff stuck to the asphalt that looked a lot like soggy toilet paper…and then we spied..
Poop! Human poop. In the driveway.
At this point, feel free to gag a little. I just did.
Apparently, it’s an outflow pipe. It’s a sewage pipe. It got backed up and now…well…it’s depositing #1 and #2 all down our driveway.
Can I get an Amen and thank you, Jesus, for driveways that slant down and *away* from the house?
We walked around it all weekend, knowing we couldn’t raise anyone to deal with it until Monday due to the Thanksgiving holiday. We flushed on, unperturbed. I mean, nothing was backing into the house, right? We, okay I, tried not to walk in the drainage path. Didn’t seem to bother anyone else much. We’re not just tracking rain into the house, people! I kinda want to wash down all the flooring with bleach now. I thought we were done with up close and personal poop detail, now that the kids are potty trained.
I called the city this morning and left a message. Unbeknownst to me, Jonathon did the same. They got back with him and sent a guy out to check it. At least the weather is nice for digging into a sewer. Cold but dry. See? It’s not all bad.
The city worker, a burly bearded chap, informed me that the problem lay not with the city’s maintained sewer main but with the pipe connecting our house to the sewer system. He recommended we get someone (any takers?) to snake it. Yay! Hello, plumber! Then he told me he’d fill in the giant round hole in the gravel driveway. Thanks, buddy!
I would make an astute spiritual insight here, but they escape me today. Perhaps they floated down the driveway. Oh – here we go! What can wash away my sin?
Nope. No good.
(Don’t you want to come over to my house now? Nothing like human excrement as a welcome mat.)
Now, I’m waiting for the plumber to show. Know any good jokes?
Thanks to my good friend Tina for sharing this song with me. I owe you one!