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I am, yet again, a little sleep deprived.  Ruby has managed to find new reasons for nocturnal visits.  “I woke up and I was alone!” (save Chloe).  “My nose is sniffly.”  Sigh.  So I sip from the fount of caffeine and have unusual thoughts…

I’ve been thinking about Jesus today.   Probably not all that unusual, given the fact that we’re now in Easter week.  I don’t actually know if there’s a Maundy Monday, but it seemed to fit what I want to say today.  And…Wikipedia says no.  Maundy Thursday is a holy day starting the annual Easter Triduum, which commemorates Jesus’ passion, death and resurrection. But there *is* a Spy Wednesday.  Judas Iscariot gets a day of notoriety, too. Personally, I don’t think he should get a whole day.  But that’s just me.

Did Jesus know on Palm Sunday that his last week on Earth was beginning?  Did he look up the priests he spoke with when He was twelve years old and got left behind in Jerusalem?  Did he take stock of his 33 years and wonder if he had done enough?  Enough healings, enough miracles, enough preaching?  I know.  He was fully God and fully human, but sometimes I wonder about the human part.  The Bible leaves some room for speculation, I think.

Did he walk through the groves of olives and think, I’ll never see these get harvested?  Did He stroll the Sea of Galilee and think, I’ll never see this beautiful sight again.  Did he watch little children at play and realize he would never have children of his own, never marry, or live to a ripe old age and see his physical descendants?  Did He ever feel like He should have stayed a carpenter, hiding  His holiness in His chosen identity as a carpenter’s son?  Did He feel like the price was worth it, to save ungrateful, ignorant humanity?

I suspect Jesus spent most of the week getting Himself as ready as He could for what the end of the week held for him:  public humiliation and crucifixion.  Perhaps he spent some of his last hours with his mother and maybe some time with his brothers, reminiscing.  I’m sure He prayed.  Did He walk through old neighborhoods, past places He used to live and remember good times from his childhood?  Did He visit old enemies and give them a chance to make things right?  I realize I sound sort of AA here, but Jesus, being fully human, knew something about what regret can do to a person.

I also suspect Jesus was able to lay these concerns to rest and embrace God’s plan for Him.  He loved those folks He knew.  He loved the ones He had yet to know – those who came after Him, even us.  Making the hard choices doesn’t mean you don’t feel the pain of loss.  It only means you’ve counted the cost and deemed it worthy.

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