Over the past two weeks, I have been broken down to what feels like my most basic self. What I keep coming back to is…I belong to God. I have to hear from Him for myself. I keep brushing off these “shoulds” and condemnation that settle on me like so many flies. I keep returning to that basic relationship with Jesus. I must spend the time with Him. I don’t care about the other things for now – purpose, vision, responsibilities. Don’t worry; I’m not shirking anything (I’m still me!) but their importance, for now, has faded. They will line up in due time. It’s all been stripped away in this raw season. I realized how full I was of other “stuff”. I can see so many things now I thought were true that simply weren’t. And I wasn’t hungry for Him anymore! Disturbing, to say the least. Only in my car-wreck state could I acknowledge my need for His grace and love, full measure, in my life.
Yesterday, Ruby made me the most thoughtful Mother’s Day card. Never mind that it’s *next* Sunday. To her (briefly) it was yesterday. She surprised me with it just before breakfast. I took pictures of the card, but the writing is hard to see. I’ll describe it for you. It’s all in pencil, a folded 8.5″ x 11″ sheet of white paper. The front of the card said “Cute, butiful pretty as a princass”, with a picture of what I assume is me, with long, straight hair and pouty lips. No nose. Inside on the left side is a picture of a queen sitting on a throne. Her feet don’t touch the ground, I noticed. Gotta be me. There’s a king or a prince kneeling in front of me, his right arm raised. He is paying homage to his liege. The right side of the card says: “God loves you more than enoeh your royoll magesty”.
He does love me – and you. I forget that I am a daughter of the King. As such, sometimes I forget to be grateful for what is when I start wishing for what was. Our kids are amazing. They constantly keep us on our toes. I thank God for them. This card was like God saying, “See? I haven’t forgotten you. Your name is written on the palm of my hand” (Is. 49:16) It was so sweet. I’ve spent the last couple weeks wishing certain things didn’t happen. But they did happen. I can’t change yesterday. I can only make the most of today, even if it’s not Mother’s Day. It was, at least for a moment, for me.