So far, I have written two blog posts in the last 2 days. Neither will see the light of day.
I am finding it harder to write about things with even a hint of controversy. I am learning to mind the “checks” in my spirit but trying to still be honest. It sucks, frankly. I don’t have it mastered yet. A few things might come out here and there, like a slip showing beneath a short, sheer dress.
That leaves…everybody’s health, and the weather, right? Just quoting Professor Henry Higgins of “My Fair Lady”.
For a lack of a good segue, I ran this morning. The damp, fresh air and cool breeze revived my spirit. I haven’t run before breakfast in awhile. Definitely don’t have much gas in the tank pre-fueling. I didn’t go far. Traffic was light. The only steady sound was the clomp-clomp of my feet hitting the pavement. The scent of damp earth, trees and concrete filled my senses.
The best thing about running in the early hours is it helps order my thoughts. I have a list of to-dos to accomplish every day. Sometimes I feel motivation to do them, sometimes not. Running helps me accomplish them with joy.
I’ve been processing some things lately. I’ve offered them up to God for His control. Much as I’d like to think I’ve got it all together, control is an illusion. Ask me about how Ruby’s last dental visit went. Better yet, don’t. Total meltdown in the vinyl chair. Total gobsmack for me and I realized again the transience of submission.
Submission is: the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.
I can’t make my child submit. Okay, I can, if I use force. But is that what I truly want? No. If I am supposed to model the Father’s heart to my children, it simply won’t fly. I must find a compassionate, kind, gentle way to show them and, ala Love and Logic, let circumstances teach.
Me: Zac, you might want a pillow for the overnight (youth encounter/retreat).
Zac: Nah. I don’t need one.
Guess who didn’t sleep?
Yes, I want the kids to be submitted to Jonathon and I. But out of love, not fear. Trust plays a big part also. As I submit more and more to Jesus, I’m praying it gets across to them. I want to be living the Father’s heart towards them. I don’t have all the answers. I am teachable, though. I believe they are, too.