Trust. It’s a five-letter word meaning:
firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
As you know by now, I stink at trusting. I have a hard time trusting people. I have a hard time trusting God. I have the hardest time trusting myself. Did I really do the right thing then? Did I hear God correctly?
I find myself in this “school” again. Financially, I must rely on God. As much as we’ve employed the Dave Ramsey program to get control of our finances and achieve a measure of peace, sometimes it seems a little frenetic to me. Sell everything you can! Live on beans and rice! I panic, thinking I’m not doing enough with what we’ve received. And I don’t much like beans and rice. I don’t think that’s Mr. Ramsey’s true message. Yet my type A personality feels like I’m falling down if we’re not masochistically paying debt first and not ourselves.
It’s pretty much the same with eating. I gave up sugar, but I believe the Lord wants me to learn to eat sugar and everything else in moderation. Most Americans eat it on a daily basis; it’s part of our culture. I’ve done time without sugar. I learned a lot. I may still have seasons here and there where I need to get completely off it, a fast of sorts. Most of the western world eats pie, cake, cookies and drinks lattes. Sugar is not the enemy, at least not in my universe: my attitude is.
I’m getting it. I’m hearing that still, small voice in this area like He’s spoken in so many others. It’s okay to rest and wait on God’s timing. In fact, it’s obedience. Me striving and making things happen out of fear or anxiety is not the plan. When I finally let go of control, I find peace. My surrender allows God to work. We find money in the strangest places (not the laundry). The stubborn scale moves down despite no extra exercise. It’s puzzling because it’s not the American way. “I did it my wa-a-ay!” To quote Queen Latifah from “Last Holiday”: “You put your head down, and you hustle, and you hustle…Eventually, you look up and wonder how you got here.”
But doing it our way is contrary to being a Christian. Yes, Jesus guides and directs and plops situations in our paths. Pushing our own agenda forward creates turmoil. Self-made men and women are a bit too homemade around the edges for me, to paraphrase a former pastor of ours.
So, I’m testing it. This trust thing is a muscle. I will put it through its paces. I’m not pestering Zac about his schoolwork. Much. Lo and behold, he finishes it! I celebrate shopping at the store and what we are able to purchase. Presto! It stretches and we all feel blessed by what we buy. I tell Ruby I expect her to pick up after herself one time…and she rises to meet it. Mostly. Every time it works, I gain a little ground. I see my Father at work and I am grateful. My trust-muscle gets stronger.
Psalm 138:8 – The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.