Just when I thought it was safe and I was on the mend…I felt rotten again this morning.
I hate colds.
My head throbbed. I dragged my protesting body out of bed and down the stairs. I watered the cats, let one in and the other out. Rex chirruped a protest as he trotted inside, his back damp from the drizzle. It’s November, kitties. Get used to 40 degrees and raining. Whatever. I shuffled over to my purple couch.
I checked my email and Facebook then read my Bible. You might question my priorities, but I have to get them out of my head first. Then I can focus.
Slowly, slowly, as I read and drank my water the peace seeped into me. My head started to clear. You know – that peace that only God can give. The peace beyond our understanding. The peace that says, “I’m holding you up. You can rest in My embrace.” I so needed to hear it today. The thought of another Tuesday, chock full of errands and meetings and obligations and me still feeling sub-par, left me wiped out before I even got to breakfast. But God.
I am a type A person in perpetual recovery. “Hi, my name is Susan. I’m driven.” Now you: “Hi, Susan!” I don’t like to back down. I don’t like to be sick. I hate to miss anything. Yet these times of enforced rest teach us a new level of trust. As a mom, I don’t usually get a day off. Jonathon graciously takes over when he’s able and does a great job. But lunches don’t make themselves. The trash truck needs the can parked at the end of the driveway. Cars do run out of gas. I find that most of the time, I can still function as I rest in His grace. I might have to move more slowly and shuffle to-dos around.
I felt better for awhile, then worse. Probably standing in line for a half hour at the grocery store didn’t help things. I took a little rest after that. I didn’t get upset. I had the opportunity to learn that the royals dedicated their baby boy. I also learned Kim Kardashian is pregnant again. So much to glean, so little time!
I probably exacerbated things by falling off the sugar-free wagon yesterday. Yep. I am getting back on and plan to ride it as long as possible, with the Lord’s help. Right now, I feel a little ill again. We’ve got some company coming over, family I treasure greatly. The house needs tweaking. Will it be white-glove ready? Nope. I don’t think I even know exactly how clean that is. But God.
When Ruby was a tiny mite and felt icky, she wanted me to hold her. We’d watch girly TV together. I’d carry her up to bed when she got tired. I’d rock her in the rocking chair, singing songs to her. She needed me close. My presence comforted her. I didn’t need to do anything else.
I used to believe if I didn’t get healed right away from whatever sickness I was battling, I was in sin. God was mad at me. Call it a wrong mindset left over from the “name it and claim it” craze. Now I know differently. It’s okay to not be strong all the time: “My grace is sufficient for you”. Sometimes, God needs to hold us for awhile. We get so busy, we don’t recognize we want Him to do just that.