So, according to the laws of Mason County that apply directly to me, it’s jury service time. Again. Every year for the past 7 years, I’ve been tagged. Every. Year. I appreciate the opportunity to serve the justice system, but some parts of it can be incredibly tedious.
I got close to serving on a real jury once. But then I got dismissed because I wasn’t a regular imbiber of alcoholic beverages. It was a DUI case. Guess they figured I’d be a bit biased.
Anyway, this is week 2 of calling in and leaving my badge number. As of last night, I am “live”. I will head to Superior Court and go through the weapons screening area. I should leave my Beretta at home today, I reckon.
Over the years of hanging out in jury waiting areas, a.k.a, dismal, nondescript rooms, I’ve picked up a few things. I’ll pass them on to you so you can share my superior knowledge. Get it?!
1) Bring something to do. You’ll need to keep busy and I’ve found yodeling tends to alienate others. I’ve seen folks knitting, crocheting, handheld gaming, and for the very old-fashioned, reading.
2) Get comfortable. Make sure the chair you’re sitting in allows your feet to touch the floor. You don’t want to get a cramp.
3) If you receive a personal phone call you simply must take, step out into the hallway. Nobody wants to know the intimate details of your gall bladder operation.
4) Tap dancing is verboten.
5) Inevitably, Smelly Guy will be in your group. Sit next to an open window if it’s a warm day. You want to ensure the air circulates freely around you to avoid asphyxiation. If it’s not a warm day…mingle with abandon.
6) Telling perfect strangers your life story can net you an entire corner to yourself. Use it wisely.
7) Pack snacks. Think of jury service like a marathon: You’re in it to win it, to go the distance. You can do it!
This public service message brought to you by The Motley Conglomeration of Near-Jurors.