Clear Conscience

I’ve been thinking about how great it is to have a clear conscience. A clear conscience means you don’t feel bad about anything you’ve done. If you have sinned or hurt someone, you’ve asked for forgiveness and moved on. You aren’t harboring regret over a poor choice of words that stabbed someone in the heart. You don’t mull over how you betrayed your spouse or best friend, or both.  You didn’t abscond with the company funds, despite great temptation.

In short, you withstood the odds and behaved yourself.

I drove Mom to Tacoma today so she could get her hearing aids fixed.  Once we finally found the small storefront clinic (not an easy feat), we went to Subway for lunch. We joked around with the sandwich maker, a gal in her 20s.  She smiled at us, tight-lipped. We clearly annoyed her, but goofed off anyway.  Her vibe was, I’m doing my job, morons.  Stop making it harder. All I could think was, You’re making a sandwich and a salad.  Girlie, you don’t know how much harder life is gonna get. This is a cake walk. Enjoy the small things.

We customized our orders and stood in front of the plastic countertop. Mom tried to tell the youngster how to make her salad.

“Lots of vegetables, please,” she directed.

Clearly, the youngster was not amused. Mom danced along to “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer” coming in over the lobby speakers. She has to work hard to embarrass me now.  I joined in the dancing. Hey, I savor the privileges of being over 40.

The other gal, who had some more years on her, seemed to get it.

“I was doing that the other night while at the store,” she said to us, grinning and nodding. We chatted a little while uptight girl finished putting together our food.

We scouted a table and sat down to eat.  Just then, 5 UPS deliverymen walked in.

“Hey, how’s Janice?” one of the guys asked the older cashier.

Suddenly, the ice maker spewed ice.

“I see you still have your ghost,” he said.

“Yeah.  She’s not happy today,” the older pony-tailed gal told him. Clearly, the guys were regulars.

And I thought about how easy it is to converse when nothing weighs on you. You can laugh and love and live without the pangs of bad decisions holding you down. It’s like forgetting how great it feels to be healthy. You take it for granted until you’re laid low on the couch watching “Matlock” reruns. Maintaining spiritual and emotional health is like money in the bank, even better than physical health, I believe. Your mind is uncluttered.  Your heart remains intact and undivided. It’s worth preserving.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.
 – Psalm 19:14

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