Most of you know I’ve struggled with a lot of “whys” in my life of late. I still don’t have answers. But I’m coming around.
A smiling harvest moon sliver glowed overhead early Sunday morning. Stars winked at me above the trees. I was talking to God about everything. Still don’t know what’s up, Lord, I remember saying. And then it hit me.
What if all that happened for me to leave the City was in God’s plan? He works all things together for good, after all (Romans 8:28). What if what I thought was how things were supposed to go, how things should be, was not a permanent situation? What if all of that favor, learning and time was to prepare me for this next chapter?
I don’t like this answer. Still don’t, really. At all. I have dug my heels in, emotionally and spiritually, every step of the way. This doesn’t feel like abundance or blessing. But what if it is and I’ve missed it? I equate it to a kid who really wants an ice cream cone but there aren’t any cones. So they whine about it, even though there are all the fixin’s for a smashing ice cream sundae on hand. Sundaes have less carbs, anyway.
Sure, there are downers. Commuting 30 minutes each way. Less variety of work and less work overall. Let’s not forget lower pay. But…parking is free and paved. No dust bowl in the summer and mud pit the remainder of the year. Great boss and fun coworkers. Pretty campus and neighborhoods to walk around. Onsite coffee stand. Huzzah!
I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m learning – in the baby stages, frankly – of embracing the season, of being grateful for what is instead of lamenting what isn’t. I don’t want to miss God’s blessings right under my nose while my gaze is fixed elsewhere. My dream is to find work back in Shelton. But if it doesn’t happen, I’ll celebrate the now.
Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. – Philippians 4:11-13